Tues 1st

Decide to have a float with Steve, Sue & Phil before the meeting at 8.00PM. I'm trying out some of Marcus's "Hydro Dynamic Lift" stuff but I'm about as successful as the dead dog that's been floating past the raft for the last couple of days. Transferring my weight onto the paddle sounds easy but the Jag doesn't like it & trys its best to transfer me into the river. In fact just past Eel Pie gravity has its way and I fall in.  Just when I thought no-one had seen me Sean cruises past with what looks suspiciously like half a paddle. I think we should have a whip round to buy him the other half. Can't have the Rear Admiral paddling round with duff equipment,  what would the neighbours think?

We let Sue fall in at the raft then go to the meeting. Its all very interesting and the guys have done a good job. Feels like a step forward but the consensus seems to be that the crunch will come if and when the work actually starts. Fingers crossed, lets hope everyone gets what they want and the club gets what it needs.

Go home to find my landlord preparing to drill holes in his new (2nd hand) K1 in order to fit some training wheels. He's a dragon boater so I suppose its OK but it brings tears to my eyes......

Weds 2nd

I'm feeling jaded and the prospect of some 500M efforts in the K4 fills me with trepidation. I know whats coming. I get down the club at 5.30 for some Tea and find the place a bit subdued despite the fact its 10K nite. The weather looks naff which could have something to do with it.

I get changed & start to feel a bit better as Graham & Nev are all ready there and we can get going. We fit spray decks as the tides up and its a bit windy and Trev announces we're gonna do a 1000M & 2 x 500M. Sounds OK, nothing too strenuous.....Nev n Trev are in their Club T shirts so there's some banter from the balcony about our chances. I think we'll be fine, I'm not saying we're going to be top three but top nine is a possibility.

So anyway, We do the 1000M from the car park down to Glovers and we're a bit sluggish but the timing seems good, which is a start. We join the 10K for a 150M much to the surprise of the participants then do the first 500M upstream. Its OK and might possibly be the fastest one yet. I'm feeling pretty good and the rest of the crew is too and we do a nifty 500M back towards Glovers.

We do some starts past the club round thru the bridge & turn back before the railway bridge. Someone makes bawdy comments about the houseboat residents one of whom gives us a wave. She's about 70 but we are a vets boat and we'll take whatever we get, tho only Trevor waves back. Nev reckons shes not his type, to flirty and Graham thinks he's seen her before somewhere. I wouldn't want to cramp Trev's style either so I shout his mobile number to her as we go past.

As we get back to the raft I realise that this is the last K4 training we'll do before lining up in the 10000M at Nottingham. Blimey. I'm hungry and as usual the food is fantastic as I manage seconds and a pudding before waddling off home.

Thurs 3rd

Its the last outing of the vets "Greased Lightening" K2 before Nottingham. Trev's displaying his war wounds from last nite tho dunno how he could've been bitten as we'd have been moving too fast for anything to have landed on us...Much ribaldry from the Balcony residents as we faff around at the raft but suspect there may've been some admiring glances as we ease away from the raft and shoot up river. Obviously.

We join Joe & Majid at Eel Pie for a few starts, 10 second jobbies, and then finish it off with a 2 minute piece tho I manage to blow it and it feels like I'm paddling thru porridge for the last 20 seconds. We leave them for a few steady efforts down river and then have a stormer down the runway for a laugh. Turns out to be better than expected so we do the same down past Glovers..now if they had a 50M race we'd be in with a chance. Trevor gasps thats we won't be able to keep that pace up over 500M. No kidding.....

Get back to the club and help Trev load some boats onto the car for Nottingham then whiz to get changed & out. Spend rest of evening in pleasant company but I can feel my mind drifting off towards my bed & sleeeee......Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(actually that looks like "sleaze" but is purely unintentional)

Saturday 5th

"R" day, race up to Nottingham with Phil (he's providing moral support) and we get there about 10.00. Sue's also decided to come but she's setting off from Walthamstow in her Fiesta so we don't expect to see her until the September Regatta. We arrive to find lots of people clutching race schedules and looking serious. Blimey.

The Richmond pitch is (as usual I'm informed) right next to the finish line and there's a surprisingly large cohort from the club (20+?). The other clubs have staked out there favourite piece of Tarmac too and everyone settles down to some serious racing. Sue arrives to add even more moral support and the excitement starts to build.

The K4 1000M isn't until 1:45 and I hear that there's no heats so we've had a result already coz we've made the final. I think they do that with vets coz they don't want any fatalities due to too much racing.

K1 200 & 1000M
Various heats come and go and Richmond seem to be in action in quite a few. We sweep the board in the Mens "D" K1 heats with Joe, Kelvin, Nick and Richard jockeying for the top places. Netty goes well in the 200 + 1000 as does Gavin who appears to be doing the Regatta in fancy dress and will no doubt get a prize for "Best Bandana in 200M" and "Best Pirate Costume". He could (and does!!) get a medal for coming first but that's incidental to the rewards for sartorial excellence. Dan and Majid also bust a gut in their divisions as do Sean and Jordan. The junior girls, all four of them, do fantastically well in what seems like every race on offer.

K4 1000M
1.00 We go for a long warm-up in the boat with Nev & Graham already "hot" from their respective 200 & 1000M races. I'm feeling quite relaxed as is Trev who chats to everyone up and down the course. We have to stop the boat every few seconds for a bit of a social but we eventually get to the start....which appears to be about 2 miles from the finish, something wrong surely? It appears not and after some banter with the other vets crews we line up.

10 seconds to start...GO!! we all do the duracell bunny thing and frankly that's where it started to go wrong. Too fast too soon and did I mention that Trev hadn't got his glasses on? This becomes obvious as we career down the course which becomes a tad bumpy as we mount the grass bank zip thru the trees and into the slalom course. Non more surprised than the Welsh slalom team who take evading action as Trev steers round a gate, thru a stopper, hangs a left and we're back on the course with the Worcester crew. They fight us off and I think we come 4th or 5th. Trev very upset with his driving and blames himself entirely for us missing out on the gold. We blame him as well and consider retiring just missing out when the ultimate prize in our sport had been within our grasp. I may have overstated that. We know we can do better and are determined to prove it tomorrow

Trevor runs down some juniors in their lightnings during the warmdown up the course and does the same going back. No damage done but I could see the headline in the Nottingham Hearald: "Mad K4 driver admits he didn't see cluster of 50 boats in front of him".

The Medals
Francis is doing a great job of keeping us supplied with Medals and the Div D boys are loafing around wearing them. Only .07 secs separated them in the final which was a splendid 1, 2, 3 & 5 for Richmond. Joe goes from despair to joy as the judges prove me wrong by announcing him the winner of the 1000M, I'll keep my mouth shut in future!! Anyway I feel very under medaled and just hope I can secure one tomorrow.....

K2 1000M Final
Its the race that Trev was hiding from me but I'm surprisingly relaxed as we line up for the race. Nev & Graham are with us (lane 2) and we in 9. Trev's got his glasses on so I think we're at least going to finish without troubling the Slalom boyz. We get a blinding start but the crew we'd agreed to "only race for the last 20 strokes" shoot off and we're hurting at 500M. Well I am. Trev's applying the power and shouting "up" every few strokes. I'm as far "up" as I can go and its all starting to go dark...just as I think its all over I look up and see the "250 Meter" board. Bugger. I dig VERY deep and give it another go. Before long I can here the roar of the Richmond team and we're past the post. I shout "clear" and restart Trevor's heart and we do a 2000M warmdown........The Stonehouses have won it by a mile and I think we came 5th which ain't bad at all.

BBQ Anne summers Sprint K7
Milos and Ivana give me lift back to campsite which is only a short way but Ivana tries to show Milos what she wants from the Anne Summers catalog and we nearly take out the GB K4 crew and their boats as he realises the full extent of what's on offer. He recovers enough to negotiate "tent city" but I have to have a lie down when we get there.

Someone mentions that red wine is particularly good as protection from heart disease so Richard and I get three bottles in a 2 for 3 bargin hunt. The South African contingent lower their standards and use the "Briar Boxes" to singe their bits of meat while the Brits lie down slumped over empty cans of Fosters and eat whatever's at hand. I have to climb a gate to get back into the complex which probably explains the hole in my jeans, the bump on my head and the rather dishevelled look I adopt the next morning.

Sunday 6th

Vets B K4 500M Final
Not at all hungover after sensibly turning down the last bottle of wine (after drinking the first two) I awake fresh and looking forward to the days racing. I give a very relieved Trevor his paddles back (oops, I accidentally stole them) and start preparing up for the Vets B K4 500M final. Nev & Graham arrive so we grab our boat with plenty of time to spare and do a warm up. It feels good and we exchange pleasantries with the other Vets, some geese and everyone else on the course. We eventually line and prepare to race. Its a great start but the boat outside us is keeping pace until 250M where Nev spots a red buoy and picks it up. He's 150M too soon but athletes that we are we pick it up as well and we're away from our rivals. The front two boats are a length ahead and we've no hope of catching them but we do make third and a medal!!!!!! Whoooooohoooooo....Fab race

The warm down is less eventful than yesterday and we get back without incident. I have a tea and settle down to watch everyone else do their thing. Its a bit like war: Long periods of boredom interspersed by brief periods of excitement and fear. Not to mention danger. Trevor retrieves out booty and we have a little medal ceremony of our own and I wonder how long it's been since Trev last won a medal here??

Vets B K2 500M Final
Me & Trev are lined up and ready for this in lane one and Graham & Nev are in 9. The starter's going with tradition and announces it will be a "GO!" and not the "beep" to start us. He mentions that the esteemed driver in lane one will remember this from his earlier racing days. Trev waves grandly and I wonder if there's anyone he doesn't know at Nottingham? I 'm still wondering when someone shouts "GO!!" and we manage a flying start. Trev says later that we lead for a bit but I think we paid dearly as we hit 250M I'm beginning to tie up. We still manage 5th but Graham and Nev storm in clear winners. Trev has to pause during the warmdown to get his breath back and I regain consciousness enough to help him paddle back to the pontoon.

That's me done for the rest of the day and I bag a deck chair to watch the remaining races. Richmond do a clean sweep again in Men's D 500M, Nev & Graham do the same in men's Vet B sharing the spoils. we'll need a truck to get the medals home. Nev is still hunting for medals and late enters the 5KM vets race. My money's on him winning coz he's hardly broken sweat during the championships and he needs a bit of a challenge. However its time I went home so I say my goodbyes and head off down the M1. Get home immediately fall asleep, fully clothed on my bed leaving my kit to fester in my bag.

A few pictures of boys and their winnings:

Thanks

Its was a fab weekend in Nottingham (more instalments below) and I think its about time I said my "thank yous." So, big Ta to Trevor, I've learnt more in the last couple of months than in the previous six, nothing like having the coach in the boat with you. Thanks to fellow crew members Nev & Graham, as always a source of wit, grit and amusement. Thanks to Trish (a brilliant bronze in Zagreb at the w/e) and the circuit crew for getting me a bit fitter and Charmien for teaching me how to "edge", Marcus and Wendy for the coaching and the other Marcus for his efforts at explaining the various paddling theories around (and some that aren't)

Finally thanks to everyone at the club for being so encouraging and especially my training partners Sue, Phil, Paul and Steve the "Eagle" not to mention other K4'ers who may have had to suffer my driving.

Cheers guys :))

Now, didn't someone say something about the inter club regatta in September......

Monday 7th

Wake up late for work still clutching my "bronze" (that's not a euphemism) and consider wearing it to work. Decide not to coz people might not believe I'd won it at the "World Championships" which is where I told everyone I was going.

Still, I'm chuffed enough to turn up after work for a paddle and I join Phil, Sue and Steve for a jaunt upriver. Have to borrow Trev's paddles as mine are at home and I notice his svelte figure adorning the raft organising Glovers time trials for the juniors. Its a bit of of shock as he turns round to see that he's shaved his goatee off which can only mean one thing. He wants to go even faster. I'm not sure how much faster it'll make us go but it scared me for a bit.

The float I had planned turns into a competitive stroll round Eel pie with Steve & Phil whilst Sue does a Time trial round Glovers and eventually joins us for the last bit to the lock. She falls in on the way back but I manage to refrain from making comment having learnt that schadenfreude is a feeling best kept to oneself.

Have fish & chips on the green with Sue, vow to start diet suitable for British Mens Vet B 500M K4 champion as soon as possible....

Tuesday 8th

7.00am Arrive to find the place busy with people doing things in boats and notice that Phil's already got his Jav out. I quickly retrieve the Jag and put its hi seat in coz that's what we're doing. Its lovely and flat so we motor up to TYM fairly quickly and then apply some effort for the return journey. I'm completely shagged, this medal winning stuff is hard work (did I say I'd won one?) and I think I might need a rest.

Rubbish Neil, fit geezer like you? I turn at 6.00pm to paddle Maji's old boat round to the "beaches" (a misnomer if ever there was) and watch Sue fall out of it for 45 minutes. This tippy boat business is harder than one imagines and I can remember doing roughly the same thing 12 months ago tho Sue does seem to be taking this swimming stuff very seriously.

Retire to Pub with Graham and Sue for post training beer and peanuts. Can't remember if I left my scooter at the club, may have done. I did.

Weds 9th

Decide to have the 10K off. I ring up some friends who thought I'd died and arrange to visit them next time I'm off the river. Agree that next February seems along way off.

Thursday 10

Pace up and down in my Doctors office looking worried...

Doc: This addiction, what does it consist of exactly?
Me: Kayaking, I can't stop, my "week off" so far consists of 3 canoeing sessions and I missed one yesterday
Doc: You mean you had the day off?
Me: But I feel so guilty..
Doc: Its not exactly "Crack" is it, I mean you could just "not go"...
Me: You don't understand, nobody does
Doc: Pull yourself together man and get that bloody Kayak out of my surgery
Me: Its a K4 actually

Friday 11th

I give in and text Phil to see if he's going for a paddle. "Yeah 6.30" says he. We spin up and down the river testing out hi seats and I return knackered ....But fit enough to go for a beer with Fiona and Tim. I stick to halves coz my scooter gave me a hard stare as I walked past it on the way to the pub. I do actually retrieve it & scoot home to bed.

Sat 12th

Well its a beaut of a morning and I'm down early enough for some tea. Spot Peter coordinating his group from the raft and I notice he seems to be wearing lingerie. Claudia thinks he may have got his shorts from "Agent Provoacteur" but I decline her request to look closely (or even at all) at the label....

Marcus arrives and orders me into the front of a Regina with Bernard in the back. Hang on isn't he normally in Alex's' group? He is, which is why we shoot off at something approaching warp speed up river after said group. Bernard urges me to paddle faster (doesn't he know I'm a vet?) and Dervish like I whirl the blades even quicker. I subsequently blow up around the bottom of Eel pie but Bernard's keen to catch the group and hops in the drivers seat. Its only fair, I was finding it difficult to steer and hyperventilate at the same time. We do join up with the group and to be honest we didn't perform that badly, enormous handicap starts not withstanding :)

On the way back Majid joins us for some tuition (its a one way conversation) and as we pass the Hermit's raft we exchange pleasantries with a shortsighted boat owner (he attempts to run us down) and so keen is Maji to pass on his regards personally he attempts to board the boat from his K1. The driver, misunderstanding his intent, speeds off with our good wishes ringing in his ears....

We get back in one piece & 1 then take the Jag out for a bit of a motor then paddle Maji's boat round to Glovers for Sue to fall out of for a bit. Its busy round there with Tim, Craig and co doing deep water rescues and teaching Danni how to paddle a C1. Which she gets the hang of v quickly. Too quickly coz she's making friends with a tree on the far side of the island before they're had chance to tell her how to steer it. "What's a "J" stroke....aaarrgghhh (thud)".

I disappear about 3 o'clock for another BBQ upriver. Its the same venue as last time which is why come 6pm I manage to spot Tim, Linda, Alex and Sue paddling down from the lock. Do these people not have homes to go to? I make a mental note to start training three times a day in order to keep up. Incredibly I turn down the offer of a party and head for home at about 10. On a Saturday. Weird.

Sun 13th

Paul, Sue and me, go out with Marcus in K1s whilst the girls Ivana, Liz, Claudia (who was at 4?) go out in a K4. Phil and Steve wobble off in a K2 and we don't see them for a very long time. Trevor joins us for the session at Glovers so I check the de-fib equipment is working and off we go.

The efforts are fairly long and I'm putting up a fairly good fight. However Sue is getting personal coaching from Trevor and I can hear a running commentary behind me as we race down Eel Pie. Trevor's trying some psychological warfare tactics and shouts to Sue that "He's looking knackered, completely shot, I know him he'll never make it". I hear the steady splashing of Sue's blades increase as she inches closer. Bugger, I dig in and avoid humiliation by a couple of meters though have to slump over my boat as we cross the finish. Just for effect you understand?

Have lunch with the usual suspects and then back to Teddington to pick up my scooter and crockery. Fellow BBQ'ers looking a bit worn at the edges but they said the party I turned down last nite was naff so my conscience is clear. If slightly corrupted.

Monday 14th

I worry about what to wear at the Bond party. JB himself is a bit too obvious, "M" now wears a skirt (so that's a possibility), "Odd Job" is already taken (Gavin though with strong competition from Trevor), "Gold Finger" ("No Mister Bond, I expect you to die") well Marcus seems to fit that one quite well , so who else?

That German Bird with the metal spike in her shoe I think maybe Sue has her eye on, the Scientist chap must surely belong to Neville.."Bond this is a Mk 2, Kevlar, cross threaded wingnut...bring it back in one piece eh?". Fiona, I think suits Money Penny : "James, daaaarrrling, is that a canoe in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?".....to which Bond (Graham perhaps?) replies "MoneyPenny, I think you'll find that's a kayak, not a canoe"

The Bond babes competition sounds fun and I'm particularly looking forward to seeing who is going to come as "Pussy Galore" ("Ahh...of corsssh you arrrh") and a re-enactment of the scene in Dr No(?) where JB is wearing what appears to be his jim jams as Ursula Undress, er...I mean Andress, appears from the sea. "Appears" is probably understating it.

Oh, I did go paddling today. Trying out some of the stuff Maji indicated might be causing me problems. There was a long list so I started on what seemed to be the biggest one....leaning to port. I think I must be heavier on one side, very odd. Might need something amputated, liposuctioned or otherwise adjusted.

Tuesday 15th

No paddling (really). Went to see Bootleg Beetles at Kew Gardens. Uncharacteristically drank to much cider....Fireworks were slightly fuzzy.

Weds 16th

No Paddling again. I'm off to Spain tomorrow to pursue a sudden interest in not working and my packing is going really well. Not. My head hurts horribly, I don't even like cider so dunno why I thought so much of it was a good idea. Tsk. Must get my act together, this isn't the behaviour of a Vets Mens B 500M K4 bronze medallist.....

17th - 21rd

Just back from my hols. Scorchio. Spain was very hot but managed to survive by taking long siestas and drinking alot of the local water. I can highly recommend the Saint Miguel brand although it does, initially, taste like...beer.

Monday - Sue fills me in recent happenings only some of which I can print in a family blog. Apparently a new ladieeeez K4 is in the making with Liz, Sue, Fiona and Sarah comprising the crew. Fab picture on the club photo board with Sue looking a tad behind everyone else. Trev claims its not his signature on the "critique" note so Sue is looking for the culprit who caused her to ring Trev at 2 am in the morning demanding an explanation. I know who it is but Tim's a good friend and I wouldn't want to land him in any trouble.

Trev agrees to do the K2 thing at Notts again and I wonder if my constitution will be strong enough to do that and K1 - 200, 500, 1000 as well as a vets K4. Dunno but I've got the taste for it now and the Inter Club Regatta could be my thing. It could be my last thing if I don't get a bit fitter.

I did get the Jag out for a spin and so keen was I to reacquaint myself with it that I forgot I'd put the standard seat in and nearly came a cropper at the raft. I tiptoed across the river before regaining my composure and did some sprinty stuff up to Eel Pie and back. It all feels quite good and I'm glad I took a few days off (paddling). Get back to see Carl & Kev loafing around, Carl fancies a drink so we head to the Slug for carbonated spring water and some cucumber sarnies. We bump into Jo, Tony & Penny so water turns into wine and well.......I have to walk home. Think my scooter might have a few "issues" before long.

Tuesday 22nd

Bit of a flap at work so get to the club late. Its a bit like the Marie Celeste with bits of paper flapping in the wind and a strange creaking sound coming from the gym....Which turns out to be Tony who quickly flogs me a ticket for the Bond extravaganza. Its ticket number 4. So there's ay least three others going then...

I'm still pondering what to wear at the party as I push off from the raft. Where do you buy a Walther PKK from these days? dunno but I'm halfway across the river before the Jag reminds me that I'm really not that stable and I have a major wobble. Maji, returning to the club, shouts "Hi" which frankly has the boat trembling like a thorough bred race horse with a clapped out jockey on board. Maji grins as I finally regain some composure and move off up river.

I'm still leaning to the right and I can feel my right hip drop as I paddle on that side. I instruct the muscles doing it to desist immediately but they're not listening and I'm up near Eel pie before the boat's running level. I'm trying to bully my brain into believing there's nothing more stable than me in a K1 but its going to need a bit more convincing. Near Glovers I spot Sue & Sarah doing their new K2 thing again with Melissa shouting instructions. These get slightly watery as she capsizes on a sprint effort but the training looks to be going well as everyone's all smiles back at the club.

As I get to the raft Sean shouts to me that the Blog's been mentioned on the Reading CC website (thanks). I would like to state that all of the comments made in the diary are true. Apart from the lies and fiction. Clearly.

We retire to the...ah...pub for a glass or two with Graham, Sarah and Maji. Sarah sensibly leaves to catch her train tho misses out on Grahams' explanation for the crescent shaped indentations on his big toes. Seems his K1 has worn away his toenails....bizarre but we sympathise and cheer him up by saying its not abnormal or unusual in anyway. Which it is.

Walk home, leave the scooter blah, blah, blah....forget where scooter is in the morning, walk to the club, arrive late for work etc. etc........

Weds 23rd

I do not want to do this. 10K is really just too far. The description "Time Trial" is an apt name for something that is basically "purgatory in a boat". The river is bumpy, the wind is windy and I'm grumpy. Meet Graham lounging on the balcony and whinge about bad day at work, he's far to cheerful and is actually looking forward to the 3 lap torture. I stomp off looking for a more sympathetic hearing.

I get out on the water and try to work my frustration out with a longish warm-up. It doesn't work coz when Trev shouts "Neil...Go!" I plod off with a weary splash and a strong sense of doom. First lap is bad but at least I manage to edge the turns well. I'm feeling knackered by the second lap and crawl past a couple of front markers (no, really) but by the third lap I've lost it completely and start to wobble badly. Fiona overtakes me just past the Slug & Lettuce and I nearly stop for a pie & a pint. However she's not going so fast that I can't sit on her wash and I'm still with her at Twickers bridge. She goes wide and I nip up the inside but she's a bit surprised to see me and capsizes. Ah well, that's my tow gone for the rest of the lap!

I continue my trudge up river & eventually reaching the raft in a PB time. Eh, wassapnin? So, all's not lost, if I can do a, what is for me, respectable time when I feel this bad I should be able to shoot round when I'm feeling good. Phil's in a much worse state and is considering giving up paddling coz he's only a few seconds faster than me (cheeky sod!!). Still I think he's only kidding coz he looks happy enough scoffing down the yummy dinner that Claudia & Co have produced. Fiona's not happy but not about the swim more coz she doesn't like the idea of being Money Penny, all "Twin-set & Pearls" apparently.

Graham's done a PB as well so the conditions must've been strangely conducive. Go home pondering the mysteries of 10K time trials, must get out more.

Thursday 24th

Think my perspective must've been a bit twisted yesterday coz I'm feeling tickety boo and go down the club for a K1 session. Make that K4. Tim's keen as mustard whereas I'm sort of BBQ sauce'ish, Craig's looking horse-raddishy and Trevor's......Well, that's a good question. He's probably as keen as any condiment one cares to mention, maybe hot chilli?. We screw our lid tops on and fling the boat in the water upsetting the junior girls K4 who are adjusting their seats. We don't bother adjusting ours and consequently Tim & I appear a bit scrunched as we pound up-river attempting to catch the girls (Sorry not sure of the names but definitely a Becky & a Liz)

Trev attempts to Psyche them out by pretending he can't see them & steers ever closer. Actually he's adopted his regatta style driving technique as he's not got his glasses on. Bugger, that means we'll be going twice as far on the efforts as the girls who are looking remarkably composed although to be frank they've not much to be frightened of. We do a 750 to TYM from the bottom of Eel Pie with Trev cleverly zig zagging to avoid torpedo strikes from the U-boat wolf pack following us. We just edge it from the girls. one up. Everyone turns at the lock with the girls getting one back on Trev by ramming us. This could get nasty and we put some effort in on the Five & Glides to claim a small victory. Its hotting up and we do a 500M to Eel Pie and lose it by a nose.

Blimey, our prides at stake so we crank up the pace makers and de-fib Trevor one more time for a 500M down Eel Pie. There's a passenger boat cheering us on which is nice tho Craig and I are still waiting for our lager and crisps at the bar when Trev shouts "GO!!!". The girls edge it again and there's acrimony in the air as we slump over our paddles. The girls are still looking fresh and seemed to have recovered their breath very quickly whereas we're still regaining consciousness.

We do some short stuff to Glovers then one more bash to the club which we win by the width of Trev's vest (about a boat length). So, we beat the junior girls on at least one effort. Very good. Trev continues his attempt to psych them out by telling them "dead body" stories on the balcony (no, no not the vets K4). Now, if he'd done that on the water....

I have a recovery pint down the pub with Sue, who's a bit chippa after her outing with Sarah in the K2. Seems there's a crew in the making and sights are set on Nottingham. Again.

Saturday 26th

I'm early so prop up the Balcony & have my breakfast which consists of a cup of tea with four sugars. People trickle in tho Phil's already out, Sue turns up and Kumla, Tim, Craig & Sue (S.A.) joins us for the ritual faff at the raft trying to get on the water. We all do apart from Sue who's discovered that the footrest is too far away and swaps her boat with Carl....Whoose boat hasn't got a foot rest at all. Hmmmm.

Marcus lines us all up to tell us what's in store. 10 min effort, 2 x 5, then 5 x 2. Doesn't sound hard? After a warm-up to Eel Pie he sends the girls and me off first (thanks) and I manage to lead without Phil or Tim overtaking me. So far so good and I'm only a bit knackered. We're up to the lock and so we turn and do the 2 x 5 efforts down to Eel Pie. I'm alot knackered by now but still manage to hold off most of the pack....The 5 x 2's start and the joke's starting to wear thin as Sue joins us and claims a "handicap" win. Suspect she's not wearing her glasses again coz I definitely won the 1 st one and I only saw Marcus and Phil edge me on the second......

Sue (S.A) is wash hanging me on the third but the Merrie Thames intervenes and the Jag slews left causing her to collide. Its a good recovery but she attempts to do some strange twirly stuff with her paddles and Craig has no option but to take her out. The ensuing confusion means that everyone else is miles away and by the time I catch up they're 50 seconds into the one minute off. "GO!", bloody hell, they've got a 20 meter lead and I'm not gaining and by the end of the effort its all going wrong. I figure I'll take a head start for the last one so turn before I catch-up with them, but frankly I'm shot and barely get thru the two minute piece. V glad to see the raft.

Back at the club Trev's sporting bandages and claims he was savaged by a new species of freshwater shark, nothing to do with capsizing and cutting oneself on bit of rock then? Apparently not but four stitches needed so a lucky escape from the Thames version of Jaws. He's off for two weeks R & R so hopefully its not going to affect his paddling. Might even improve his steering...

I take a "Fruits of the Forest" coloured Jag round the corner for Phil to try out but he's stable in it pretty quick and he's disappeared before I've adjusted what was his javelin to fit me. It feels like a barge compared to the jag and its fun just charging up and down not worrying about falling out. Sue must've thought the same coz she wants a go in the hi seat and we swop boats. She disappears as well so I figure its time to go back. I'm chatting with Carston half an hour later when I see Sue with a big frown on her facing heading unsteadily back to the raft. I manage to keep a straight face as she stomps up the gangplank......

Sunday 27th

After a somewhat "livin it large" Saturday nite I'm a bit fatigued. I judge my arrival for just before 10 tho Liz & Mark have already done a few efforts with Phil, Kumla and S.A. Sue. I join them at Eel Pie where Alex is also preparing to join them, I'm suddenly feeling worse. Sure enough its a longish effort to TYM another shortie to the lock followed by various things up & down Eel pie....How I avoid fainting, being sick and generally disgracing myself I've no idea. Alex doesn't help when he shouts that Tony's catching me (at the bottom of Eel Pie) and I should put in a big effort to hold him off. Which I do with my last reserves of energy. Alex shouts "well done", then "Er...sorry I think the finish is at the car park". I'm in cardiac arrest zone and its all a bit blurred for sometime after that.

The final 500M stuff down to Glovers is a real trial and my teeth, like the M25 on a cold January morning, are well gritted. Sue & Sarah have made an appearance in their "racing K2" configuration and I watch them out of the corner of my eye as Steve the "Eagle" and Phil "two shredded wheat" Buchan wash hang their way to the finish line. Thru the red mist someone announces its all over and start thinking about post session tea.....

I troop off for (yet) another BBQ where I drink some Pimms, lose at Croquet and finally lie down with a tea towel over my face for the afternoon. This training lark is starting to interfere with the BBQ scene and I might have to start doing one of them less. The right choice is obvious, one requires I lie around, chat, drink and generally have a good time the other doesn't. However, you don't get medals for burning sausages so the BBQ thing has too go. Apart from the one next week.

Monday 28th

Mmmm new look blog...v nice, big thanks to Craig whose doing a splendid job correcting all of my dates, removing expletives and generally making sense of the pile of words I send him. Talking of which.....

I'm really rather weary after a weekend of top quality sessions and I'm looking forward to a float. Sue and Steve seem keen on a rather more challenging piece of work and the warm-up to Eel Pie is as competitive as ever...Steve starts Sue off but makes me hang on a bit longer than necessary and by the time we get to the top of Eel Pie we're all neck & neck. A good effort so we do a piece to the lock from TYM, with Steve catching me just short of the lock where Sue seems to be practising rather exotic support strokes. Ends up pointing the wrong way...very Odd. We do some wash hanging practice back towards TYM then a 500M effort down the Island...all good stuff.

Steve suggests some sprint start practice which involves making Sue paddle backwards and shouting "GO!!" before she can stop the boat. We do a dozen or so of them (I'm typing this with my arms in splints) tho Sue refuses to shout her "GO!!" coz its unladylike to shout. I suggest passing bits of paper between us with the word "GO" on it but none of us has a pen so Steve resorts to shouting "Go!!" in a girly voice. Some burly geezers in a big rowing boat out practising for the Great River Race look a tad surprised...

Get back to the club feeling surprisingly fresh and notice our Rear Admiral out with half a paddle again. His hard man image seems complete as he is now using a piece of 4 x 2, some gaffer tape and old bits of polystyrene for a seat. This is canoeing the hard way....

We retire for tea and chinwag with Maji whose contemplating his impending retirement (from racing). The 10K time trial comes up and he's going to do two laps next week. That's not a bad idea and I plan to do the same on the basis that less is more and if it works for pasta sauce it should surely work for canoeing?

Retire to Pub with Carl who tells me about his plans to move to Richmond.....I drink beer but wisely avoid that crucial third pint. Get home late, kit still festering from week of paddling must do some washing...

Tuesday 29th

Its raining and there's an atmosphere of "quiet reluctance" amongst the group around the table. Much studied paper reading and tea drinking going on. But the rain stops and there's a sudden flurry of activity and Carl & I get out on the river so I can teach him ferry gliding. However, there's no current to speak of so its a bit of a pointless exercise. Sue & Sarah, in a K2 and Phil join us around Glovers and we're persuaded to do a session, an "easy one". Yeah, rite. So 5 minute warm-up, effort to TYM, effort to the lock, wash hang back to TYM, effort down Eel Pie...Effort this, sprint that, recover here, "Go!"there....Sue & Sarah are barely breathing whereas I'm attempting to suck in ever increasing amounts of oxygen. Can't be right so I accuse Sue of not trying hard enough, the reply was short and although grammatically correct it seemed harsh.

We do some sprinty pyramid things down to Glovers and I notice, to my relief, that Carls looking as lactic acidly challenged as I am. The 10K is starting to look attractive again.

Tea is taken tho Sue & Sarah disappear to the gym for some "Maji's Magic Moments" (copyright) tuition. She's still not trying hard enough if you ask me. Anyway, Charmien & Roly recount some "Severn Bore" escapades to entertain us whilst Craig and Andy start cooking the curry for tomorrow (Stuffed Rabbit something or other). I eventually leave and head home via the Saint Margaret's Kebab shop (next to Mr Frisby, the butcher)

Thursday 31st

Now, I'm writing this on Monday 4th so last Thursday seems a long time ago and I can only vaguely remember what I did. I think it involved some 2min on 2min off stuff and I believe there was a girls K4 with assorted K1/K2's. Dunno but it must've been good for me as I do remember feeling a bit tired afterwards.