Saturday 6 November

It's overcast, slightly chilly and there's the unmistakable smell of gunpowder in the air so it must be November right? Wrong..at least in Graham's world it isn't. Never one to trouble the country's fashion pages he has taken to wearing his John Lennon prescription sunglasses at every opportunity so it's some time before he realizes he's waxing down Nicks motorbike and not the K2 which he and Peter are planning to hurl down the dangerous weirs of the Avon tomorrow....Good luck anyway chaps!

It's a while since I've been down the club and whilst I'm pinning some posters up (announcing a plea for helpers to help me eat pizza on the 13th see front page) a few people ask me why. I attempt to peddle the rather unlikely "I'm working very hard at the moment and I'm really enjoying it" which meets with derision and disbelief and so replace that story with "I was kidnapped by the Osmonds and forced to sing an acapella version of 'Crazy Horses' over and over again for 6 weeks'. Most people agreed that was nearer the truth.

Coaches out in force this w/e and after a short discussion at Glovers we carve up Wendy's group with Tim taking the six fastest, me the next 6 and Wendy the two small boys in a rowing boat and a disused tug. I, naturally, haven't prepared a session and use the warm-up to decide what to do. We get to Hamertons and the effects last night's rather injudicious half bottle of whisky are...apparent. Everyone kindly lets me catch up and I come up with the brilliant idea of slowing everyone down by making them paddle with only the right foot in contact with the footrest. I, meanwhile, am using both feet and spend the next five minutes batting off inquiries regarding the reasons for the exercise: "Er..stabilty..y'know..and erm...just makes you think about..er...power phases and all that....stuff". We (they) try it again with just the left foot which causes people to crash into each other and generally career all over the river. Splendid stuff.

I'm warmed up enough to contemplate some races and we do some pieces down river towards Eel Pie. Peter & crew mate manage to capsize the Mystere which is a bit sad as I was on their wash and would've surely won the effort? Maybe, but the next effort is much longer (I have no idea why I decided it was going to be that far) and I come a very poor 4th. I'm a bit knackered and decide to handicap everyone for the next race and make them do Hamertons to Glovers without using their rudders. Amazingly people manage to do it despite lots of zig-zagging and swearing and even congratulate me on my innovative coaching techniques. Good, I will be preparing more handicaps for next week....

Sunday 7th November tj

There's some people who can never resist a practical joke. Each year, round about this time, someone goes and pulls the plug out of the Thames, and all the water goes at low tide. It ain't clever and it ain't funny, so I wish they'd stop!

It takes about three weeks to repair, and during that time paddlers have to decend the raft with a rope, safety harness, crampons and an ice axe, then hike 10 metres to the nearest water before paddling.

The bigger problem is there's no water for the pontoon to float on, so we have to stand it on sandbags to keep it level, cos otherwise it would sink at high tide or something like that.

So that's why Tim and Neville could be seen at 3.30 that afternoon standing waist deep in the river with folded arms, contemplating the raft, with a cup of tea in their hands for warmth...

At least that's their story. Sounds fishy to me, but until I come up with a better one, that's the one we're running with...

Tuesday 9 November nt

Right. Looking back thru the blog to this time last year it appears that I was....a bit wimpy when it came to circuits. Always whinging about hard it was and moaning that I wan't able to move the next day etc. etc. Well it's true. Trevors still leaning against the chest press looking nonchalant while we charge round like out of condition battery hens (some of us) and...and..why? Dunno but theres twenty of us in various stages of distress including Graham, without his "John Lennons" tonite, Phil making a return and....Karl! Who turns up halfway thru, never shuts up, never sweats, never gets out of breath...git.

Criag's recovered from last weeks disastorous go on the "wheel of death", some contraption that's supposed to strengthen your stomach muscles but led to and unseemly collapse and two days of eating soup. Nicola said not to tell anyone so obviously...don't tell anyone. Wouldn't be right to let that kind of thing out.

Wednesday 11 November

Gang of four, five or six gather at club for wine and prawn risotto. I have to drink wine through a straw as unable to lift arms. We manage to talk ourselves into a stupor about boats, pillars, toilets and (my favorite) floor coverings. Expect communications shortly about your boats.....

Saturday 13 November

Lovely winter sunshine b-b-b-but a tad chilly. Have to abseil down ramp as the draw-off has caused the raft to sit on the river bed. Tim has selected the highest seat he could find for me, so high in fact that it has a row of rattles and a plastic food tray. I perch on it anyway and we pootle off towards Glovers gawping at exposed mud and shingle with the odd push chair/bike poking up thru the water.

Mr Pearce steps upto the plate regarding coaching matters and along with Graham, Karl, Nick, Phil, Mike and Simon we do the warm-up to Eeel Pie. First effort to TYM causes a bit of puffing from both crew but we're nicely in the groove for the one to the lock. Two more back to Glovers then turnaround for a couple back up again (I'm getting a bit dizzy). We join Wendy's group for a bit of a breather but don't get one as we get buzzed by a couple of K1s who fancy a thrash back to the club. Good, plenty knackered just in time to start clearing the loft...

Amazingly (to me) we get the work parties organised (well done Tim & Mark), scaffolding is un-erected, loft emptied, boats moved and labelled...all in a couple of hours. Graham's glasses fetish continues as he's found himself a pair of Joe 90 glasses from a Jumble Sale and there seems to be alot of people wearing surgical gloves. The two facts aren't connected but they seem to go together. A huge thank you those of you who helped out, sterling efforts all round ;)

Finally, eat Pizzas and steer clear of Alison who's clearing the freezer of badly decomposing, unidentifiable ...things. Then join people watching Tim drill bit of concrete. Exciting stuff followed by genuinely exciting stuff as we stand around watching Mark + Rolly remove drain covers and peer down into the sewers. Mark's manhole cover keys have certainly come in useful and he comments that Liz is always spot on when it comes to decent Christmas presents. He's hoping for a Flange Correcting Rod this year.

Sunday 14

Phil, Paul, myself and K2 partner negotiate ramp again and set out on steady bash up to lock. Pause briefly to take line to the bank for stranded boat (can we claim salvage?) then trudge thru porridge like current before turning at the traffic lights. Much relief as we charge back with the current and before we know it we're back at the club. Did I mention it was sunny and still? It was, you missed a corker if you weren't out there..oh yes sireee...

Inexplicably eat two sunday roasts and ruin carefully planned diet schedule.